Part 11

Dead.

At the end of the Tour of Time, it was Wu Shi's corpse that was waiting for me.

"Such a major accident as this, it's a miracle that only one person died."

Miracle?

I didn't understand what they were saying at all.

My dream was that I wanted a home.

If possible, I wanted the person who lived with me in that home to be Shi-chan.

Even though only one person died, the person who'd died was family to me. What kind of miracle is that supposed to be?

When I saw his corpse, my world went dark.

Surprisingly, even to me, though it felt like a hole had opened up in my chest, I didn't cry a single tear.

I figured I'd probably follow him, soon, right?

So I didn't bother with the shedding of tears.

Part of me even found a sort of twisted relief in the idea that, soon, me and Shi-chan would be together again.

But then, because of a certain opportunity, I was able to learn about the fact that the Tour of Time had the functionality of a time-traveling machine.

A ray of light had pierced into the darkened world.

I seized onto this last slim hope with everything I had.

Ji Hengsheng: ...I'll definitely save you, Shi-chan.

Surely anybody else would make the same decision as me.

To turn back time to save the most important person- such a decision was undoubtedly objectively correct.

So, even if the means are so unfortunate,

it'll probably all turn out fine, right?

I clutched the crest to my chest and spoke aloud the magic words.

I was originally afraid that Shi-chan would notice my abnormality, but I soon realized that was an absolutely unnecessary worry.

Wu Shi was screaming like someone had hit him with a cleaver. He was having a far worse reaction than me.

No matter how I cried out to him, it was useless; he collapsed to the floor with an agonized expression.

What... was happening?

All I really knew was how to operate the time machine.

Put all the dead people inside the 13th train car, and then call out the command phrase while holding the control crest.

But everything besides that, I had no idea.

I was the user of the time machine; in theory I was the only one whose memories should have been sent back in time.

But the abnormal condition that Shi-chan found himself in...

Maybe he had memories from the future too?

This guess of mine was validated in the next few hours.

At 4AM, Shi-chan gave me a call.

Ji Hengsheng: I believe everything you said instantly and completely,

because I'm the one who turned back time in the first place

because ever since we were kids you never lied to me about anything serious and I don't believe you'd start now.

But I sure would lie to you, Shi-chan. Sorry about that.

I can't let you know that I'm a time traveler.

I'm sorry, but I know you better than anyone else.

You're a gentle person, and more gentle with me than with anyone else.

If I were to let you know that I turned back time to save you, you'd surely try to stop me from doing so.

I thought about just tranquilizing him as myself, but I realized that wouldn't work. Shi-chan had future memories just like me. If I let him realize that I was tranquilizing him, then he'd start trying to evade me in future loops, or even work against me to stop me, and then it'd all be over.

Ji Hengsheng: I need a disguise.

I needed a disguise. But, I've been childhood friends with him for so long- if I didn't want him to be able to tell it was me, I had some real work ahead of me.

My body would be recognized... so let's wear a big spacious robe.

My voice would be recognized... so let's speak only with a synthesized voice through my phone.

Gait and motivation... I've got to come up with something for those as well, so that Shi-chan absolutely wouldn't be able at all to imagine that it was me.

Oh, I know!

I'll use the Se family.

I'll disguise myself as a renegade element of the vast Se conglomerate. They're so big you could realistically imagine anything and anyone being part of the Se connections somewhere or other.

This will surely create a blind spot in Shi-chan's thinking.

Wu Shi: Who are you?

Wu Shi: So you're S.

Ji Hengsheng: Yu Guang... ;_;

Ji Hengsheng: Was this... my fault?

Ji Hengsheng: Because I tried to turn back time to save Shi-chan... this happened?

Ji Hengsheng: Ah...

Ji Hengsheng: So it's like... a gachapon.

Ji Hengsheng: Every time travel costs another corpse...

Well, I supposed this was all my own fault.

This was the fruit born of my own acts and choices.

In order to prevent Shi-chan from taking unnecessary actions and hurting himself, I took the initiative and hurt him first myself.

When I told Wu Shi that I'd stand with him no matter what, I saw light come into his eyes again. It hurt to see, because I knew it was built on a foundation of lies.

How ironic.

To my beloved childhood friend, so long as I was there to support him, he'd never lose hope for long.

But I was also the one who was causing him to lose hope- and who needed him to lose hope, so that he'd cease interfering with my actions.

This was no good. I needed to induce complete despair in him.

I had to find a way to cut off his hope completely.

Let me turn my heart into a demon.

For Shi-chan, I can do absolutely anything.

Wu Shi: That's why the god of time gave me the ability to retain my memories.

Ji Hengsheng (as S): You're... sure that... these things are causally related??

Wu Shi: Of course.

Wu Shi: Because I've kept my memories and will, I die painfully at the end of every loop.

Wu Shi: Avoiding that death inevitably puts me in conflict with your goal of prolonging the endless cycles.

Wu Shi: That's what makes me your enemy.

Ji Hengsheng: Oh shit oh shit oh shit has he figured it out?

Has Shi-chan figured it out?

He's so much more dangerous than I'd ever given him credit for.

Pursuing the 'truth' with a near-obsessive devotion. It was like he had an instinct for seeing things through to the truth, no matter how strange things were.

He's like Se Yue, in a way.

Except the two of them stand at opposite ends.

One of them endlessly arms herself and conceals herself until nobody can reach her.

The other one proceeds straight forward with no attempt at self-concealment whatsoever, until he reaches an end.

The fifth loop, the sixth loop, the seventh loop- loop after loop over and over.

Soon, the number of loops had gotten beyond my ability to remember clearly.

At the start, I'd still apologize profusely to all the new deaths I'd caused.

But, very soon, I stopped feeling anything.

After every ending I mechanically placed all the new dead fuel into the 13th train car.

...For some reason, after there were too many dead people for me to handle myself, a group of Se family maids, following the orders of god-knows-who, started helping me carry the corpses.

But at that point I just didn't have the energy to investigate it.

Finally, at the 46th loop, I realized something:

I couldn't save Shi-chan all by myself.

Surely the Se princess could save Shi-chan.

She was a special being.

Compared to me, she was far more suitable to bring Shi-chan out of his preordained tragic end.

I'm almost at my limit.

The me of right now probably couldn't even smile at Shi-chan, could she?

If I can't show a smile to him, is there a point to me staying with him at all?

Even if I achieved my dream and found a home-

It'd be impossible for me to invite him to join it, right?

That's odd. I haven't cried in dozens of loops. I thought I didn't have the capacity for it anymore.

But... something inside me... seeing the two of them embrace each other... it's making me cry.

How strange. Why am I crying?

Is it because I'm so happy for Wu Shi? Or is it...

I have to hide it- if Wu Shi notices I'm crying it'll ruin my faked death, I can't let him see the tears...

But, well, this was a good thing.

Being able to cry, still.

Right?

Nothing was wrong with that, right?

It'd fallen in the receding floodwaters, and become stained with muck- just like me.

I think... that I no longer have the right to accept his response, anymore.

But that's fine. As long as he can live on, everything will be fine.

Watching Se Yue steal the Tour of Time away from me, leaving me on the platform all by myself, I smiled behind my mask. It was just as I'd planned.

Take good care of Shi-chan for me.

I bowed my head towards the rapidly departing Tour of Time.

Ji Hengsheng: Please save him where I could not.

...Oh, I'm crying again. How strange.

Ji Hengsheng: It's fine if it isn't me.

Ji Hengsheng: Please... make him happy.

Ji Hengsheng: On the count of three, I'll pull, and you climb up, Shi-chan!

Ji Hengsheng looked exhausted- but happy. At least in the here and now, just once, she was able to save me from dying.

That was something she spent the entirety of the thirteenth train car trying to do, without once succeeding.

Even though the user of the 13th and 15th train car were the same...

But it was good that she had no memories from the 13th train car at all anymore.

I approached Hengsheng again. I reached to my back pocket for my only tranquilizer syringe.

Wu Shi: Hengsheng.

Hearing me, she turned to me.

Wu Shi: At the bonfire party tomorrow night, you were planning on giving me a ring and asking me to propose marriage to you, right?

Her eyes widened when I said that.

Taking advantage of her surprise-

Wu Shi: Nap time.

I injected the tranquilizer right into her body, even as her expression was that of total disbelief.

Wu Shi: Everything'll be over once you reawaken.

Even as she fell over, Hengsheng still clung to my clothes as though she didn't want to let me go- as though she was afraid I was heading to a faraway place she couldn't go with me.

I rubbed her cheeks lightly.

This time, it was my turn to protect you.

After this, the next few decisions I would make would surely be major decisions, which would change the outcome of everything.

I had to consider my choices carefully.